now on to my deep and profound thoughts of the day

i'm me
kassya...
me

i may not be the best friend in the world
i'm not as smart as you all
so i'm not all that pretty or thin (obviously since they are virtually one in the same anymore)
my sense of humour may be demented and lets face it...
i'm a bitch!

but i'd be damned if i hated me

i am capable of making people laugh.
those people don't care how smart i am, i'm making them happy.
not always available, i'm all about the busy signal but fuck i care! i do more than care.
i am a really nice person and i hate showing it so open those eyes and see it, don't lie
what the fuck do i care about beauty!?
can i not bring tears to your eyes through a work of art? can it be that a note from my body made you shiver. beauty in its true form...
life sense. street smarts if you will... thats my intellect.
i can't converse about the top 100 books on the best selling list but i do have an opinion

what can i say?!
i'm not terrible at everything.
infact i am capable of a lot.
just don't forget to try again,
the busy signal will fade. beep beep beep beep beep beep...



i love you, but fuck you.
i love me more and if you can't accept that...
try again!








...








(this is in no way in reference to anyone. this is just me, thinking, bitching, living)

so i sit here and do a whole lot of nothing! wow! look at all that fun!
i have so much to say but right now i am too busy attempting to use the right keys and mind you i am i wish it would go faster!
now that i am using whatever finger i feel works i go quicker

sing for me!!
pick and note, sing it.
find a melody within you.

harmony...

when two people sing and i get chills i wonder how there is no apparent god in my life.
once i told a morman that music was my god and each note rings that message true to my ear.

i lift my voice and pray!

my god, my god never forsake me,
a life with no music,
no harmony,
no melody,
counter melody,
rhythm...


no life.

sing!
pick a note and SING IT FOR ME!

i hope you're right.

fluid doesn't matter to me. your hand doesn't matter to me.

the snow can wait i forgot my mittens, i wipe my nose put my new boots on...
...when you gonna make up your mind? when you gonna love you as much as i do. when you gonna make up your mind cause things are gonna change so fast, all the white horses have gone ahead. and i'll tell you that i'll always want you near you say that things change my dear... never change...

A, B, C and D...

I'm 'K' kay?!?!
hahaha!!!!

!!!!! aaaaiiieeeeee !!!!!
you said you'd call for me!
try for me!!!

if i could be happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!
man oh man!!!

feel the love!!!

REASSURED TO THE MAX!!
You don't even need to call!

remember the words i love you!?
if you ever meant them...

ps!
i'm sorry for my moods!
i'm so happy on the inside, happier than i have been in a long time
the confusion takes over, controls me.
i seem sad but inside i scream
DANCE WITH ME! JUMP AND BE HAPPY!!!
damned confusion...
damnit

...this isn't the end.
i've no more to say!
but the end for us is so far...
away!

can't you wait?
the sign says "wet floor"
... unplugged ... you ran
fragments of glass fly
as your fragile body breaks,
through,
the extremely frail life ...
of yours

you see me break,
i drop to the ground.
is this all working?
can you hear me through the microphone?
am i clear,
coming through,
can you read my lips!

through all of it i've changed.
the one who never could hurt me,
i thought i knew everything that was thought!

i said i'd end it if its not working, if it was hurting me.
i'm hurt but i'm working!
it works so well and then it seems like you don't want it to
if you are, at all, in fact happy,
jesus! just let me know!

nice hugs! wonderful! i love you!
fun walks with welfare bags! amazing! i love you!
just being together! great! i love you!
the first kiss since... i love you!
feeling less love than before...
feeling like i know you less than before...
wanting to know more than ever!
wanting YOU!
hoping you get this, you understand!

just call me, ask me just to hang out for a while, just an hour or so.
lets just walk, hold hands and hug me, nice hugs, amazing hugs!
let me know that i'm right!
let me know this is right!
look at me, tell me what you really truly think and if at the end you still feel you can,
tell me you love me!

i'm comfortable with the way things have been,
i'm getting more and more comfortable with me each day,
sometimes, i get it! why you;d even talk to me, care for me, like me, love me in the first place!

write me that song,
on your grand paino.
i'll come down,
from the top of the stairs.
take me for the first time,
near your grand piano.
hold me,
tell me you still care.

i know where i fit in! i know where i make sense! i know what i want!
can you answer those questions!?
do you know what i want or even, what you want!?
i think you do.
don;t be scared to tell me!

in the end, it doesnt matter since i still feel the same...

just don't forget all the good times!!! hahah! all the good times
:D

feelings like that one, the happiness i was just consumed by.
feelings that strong don't come out of thin air. they have a reason.
there may not be a jesus, but you have to have faith in something.

do you want to dance with me?!
we'll glide around under the stars,
hop between puddles!
'skank' around.
sway however moves us!

hold my hand, don't worry about it.
tell your parents,
i'm the same as all your best friends.
reassure them that we are just best friends,
thats what they want to hear.

so how about that dance?

don;t forget to call,
tell me how the day was
the shit and the shimmering moments!

study for math, you'll be less stressed!

would you accompany me to a ball if people ate finger foods?
would you come if their pants weren't ironed?
would you come for me?!

i'm in a room,
without a view.
i wonder to myself,
can he see me?!
i figure i see you so can you see me!?
there you are! smiling! happy!
the way things used to be!
the way i want them to be!
the way they ought to be!
the way they could be again!

you know what i think is best for us?!
do you know what i think we need to get back to!?
you!
we need to get back to you!
when did things change so much for you?!
what day was the first day you couldn't tell me all your mind held?

you know who i think is attractive?
sean!
sometimes i wonder why i dont like sean!
he'd be so great!
then i think, what if i killed all that spirit!
in essence, what if i killed all i love of him!

i did that to you apparently!
but then why do i still see you the same as before?
do you hide it?!

i want to get a ladder, climb up... up... up...
find all that you;ve forgotten.
i'm just so so scared!
what if...
"i do not love you
for loving you would be life.
and life is over there,
on that shelf"

forgive me a million times, you said you would!
deal with me in good times and bad? you answered yes!
love me forever, i know you always will.

call me!
we need to talk!
could you do that?!
would you do it for me!?

354-5781

i didnt think i'd ever have to work with you!
i never expected to have to work for your affection.
i just figured since mine was always there,
so your's would be too.
i'm wrong.

don't give up!
i hope if you give up, it's not giving in!!!!!!

i love you!

so we had a test
i did a lot wrong!
hahahah i didnt fail!!!.

i learned!

next time, i'll be better preparded....

just when will the next test come?!.

not soon i hope.

emotionally drained. go from sleepy to weepy!
from miserable to unbelieveable!

oh i love you!!! oh oh oh!!! *singing*
WOW!!!

you make sense to me...

i'll see you around.

you are my one love! my true hope and joy in everyday!
take me away from my world of sorrow and to where i am happiest, in your arms

dance with me atop the drifting snow. we will slip and slide. the joys will be as high as the hills we will roll down.

sing to me from the tree tops. let's climb until the branches break
let your song drift slowly from the top, falling gently on my ears.

hold me tight and don't let me fall. when i fall i'll be down and i don't want to be let down. not by the arms.
the arms, in which i find my highest joy. in the arms where i am most happy.

through every dance, every mishap of foot,
through every song, every unsupported note,
through every strong hold, every potential fall,
i'll still sing while i dance in your arms...



.... if only in my mind.

it's amazing how your mind won't always let you fall on your ass...

i sit and i run lines in my head trying to think of what i am supposed to say at my next cue... think kassya think you dumb bitch!
suddenly i hear my cue ring loud in the clutter and whir of the nonsence in my mind.
without me thinking ut fumble and fall my words. to those listening they are clear, collected and so soothing.

i walked, talked, sang and bowed. what did i miss!? why are people clapping?!

good times... good friends.




HORRAH!!!

in a room, i sit and watch and wait
the paint on the walls is dripping, falling on me,
drip drop.
plus, i have misplaced the phone.
it rings for what seems hours
where's my best friend now?

a world without friends would be death.
a true friend should be defined not by the times they made you smile but rather the times they made you cry from laughing so hard.
your friendship may be judged by the number of times you began to cry merely because your friend was.

how's this for comfortable silence?

i want to be able to know, without a doubt in my mind, that we don't have to speak or see eachother for you to be thinking about me.
isn't that in essence what friendship is?
when was the last time you did something genuinely nice for NO real reason?
i can't say i remember.
hey, how about you remind me!!

my biggest fear, dying without *you* at my side
(the *you* in the above sentence is the same *you* as in the brief description of this page. if this message moves you then you are *you* if you are stoic and feel nothing ignore my ramblings. move on. find an importance)

call me!

there was a stand still for ten days. the opposing side was feeling the silence, feeling the lack of action. at exactly ten days, the stand still broke.

"well i'll tell you...." *thinks*
"um...." *checks script*
i'm finding it hard to consentrate. what are my lines?! i'm supposed to have this memorzied! eeep!

plan for attack,
1: remember the weak spots, right here, and here and DEFINATELY here. (collar bone, neck and definately ears)
2: make every move count.
3: spring the attack.
4: retreat after the first explosion is felt.
5: don't forget what was done for you.
6: start attack again but remember you are able to reconstruct yourself quicker than your opposition.

the opposition feels they have done what they were informed to do, AND they did, and it can barely get better. there is always hope.

its amazing when one of the most awkward situations you ever imagined ends up being the best thing you'd done in a while
"shhhhh don't wake daddy"
only with friends can you take a 10 minute walk and make it last an hour!

thanks!

there is something so calming about knowing you have something to do and not have any intent or desire to do it. like, for example, i have a few play pieces i am supposed to have memorized for monday, and a painting done, and a bi monthly. if any of you see this happening, your drunk, and it's the 5th, you'd think the hangover drunkness would have worn off by now!
i like how i said "any of you" as if i was directing this to someone, no one reads this... hahah i barely read what i write on here. oh well! i think that i shall continue with my little grammatical errors and all my little mishaps.... it makes it more "kassya-esque" if you will!

well i thinki hear my bedroom calling me...
paintings.... lines.... homework the creepiest thing to think about ever! homework!! ick!